So this past week has been bittersweet just as it has been around the 25th of March every year since we lost our Mazzy….This year she would have turned 6yrs old….I found myself looking through countless things leading up to her actual birthday that I would have wanted to have made for her…or toys I knew she would have loved…

The tears streamed down my face knowing how much fun we could be having right now…knowing all the moments that are now lost to me forever…Everyone give your babies even more hugs & kisses….love every second you have with them….I loved every moment I had with her…every moment!!!

I still have moments..she comes to me in dreams…she is in my heart always…Someone at one of my TCF meetings was talking about how since our children were a part of us then literally a part of us is in the “next life”….I really had never thought about it this way…& unless you have gone through this loss it is something you will never really “grasp” but to me at least  it made a great amount of sense…and now it’s just something I take great comfort in…she is not alone..she has part of me with her….just as I still carry a part of her here with me.

I still make pretty things for her…things she would have worn in her  hair and cute boutique outfits for her to wear, cute stuffies….the list goes on…I put them in our studio and in her memory chest that my friend Bonni made for us to put such keepsakes as this…She is also making me another chest …I think it might be for Mazzy’s future little brother or sister…to put things aside that I would have made for Mazzy and reserve them much like”hand me downs” would have worked…

I find myself collecting little girl patterns and making up toy patterns of things I would like to make in her honor or to pass on some day…sigh

Though I must say my two girlfriends are keeping my busy with their little ones…both boys…urrrg…a whole new world to me of crafting since I am so used to girls…lol…but  do my best to “Macho Up” color schemes and designs…lol…I’m getting used to it..

I have two goody boxes I need to send out next week…I should have finished up  a few of those projects by then:)

I’ve been busy with the arrival of the book “Nikta’s Journey” co-staring non other than Mazzy herself!!! She would have been so thrilled to have gone to the bookstore and seen her book on the shelf & online!!! She loved books so much!!! We would set aside an hour (no joke) every night to read to her…she had quite a little collection going!!! She would pick out from her bookshelf the ones she wanted to read that night and sometimes we would get talked into reading her faves twice bc she loved them so much!!!

Oh how I miss curling up with her and reading with her…..such special moments!!!

(I Love & Miss you Mazzy….)